This World Just Waddn’t Made For Babies

I woke my Mami up this morning, snuffling around for some delicious boob, and there was her nose, at the end of my fist. “Ouch!” She said, when the two connected. Her voice startled me, and I got a little scared.

After that, we headed into the bathroom, so she could wash her face. I was unsettled by the shadows on the ceiling above my bouncy chair, and squawked a little to let her know. “Just a minute, Sweetie,” she told me calmly.

Then it was bath time. Mami was busy washing my hair, and didn’t notice that my precious little foot had slipped out of the water and was flailing around in the cold air.

Next, I needed a new diaper. I thought I was getting along just fine naked, but she said it was necessary because I “do such a good job peeing”. I brought my crossed kegs up as close as I could to my chest, to try and change her mind, but she tickled my feet a little. Foiled!

After the diaper, it was time to put on a onesie. I protested as loudly as I could muster, but she only moved faster.

We were going to see The Baby Club, a few of her friends who also have babies. So I got the triple wham sandwich: car seat, my Mami too busy driving to hold me, and traffic!

When we arrived, she wanted to eat something, but all I wanted was to be held. I finally fell asleep, and she tried to put me down to sleep in my car seat and hurry off to order lunch. I woke up right away, because it wasn’t soft and warm, and didn’t smell like Mami!

When her food was ready, I started crying a bit, because, as you can clearly see, this day had been rough from the start, and I wanted to just go home and sleep it away. So she swung me in my seat with one arm and ate with the other. I fell asleep…

…and the next thing I knew, I was all alone in the back of the moving car, on our way home. That made me sad all over again, and when we got there, I decided:

This world just waddn’t made for babies.

Mr. Sweetie

Mr. Sweetie is a first-time person and full-time sweetie. He loves kisses and his Papa, Cisco, and hanging out with his Mami, Grandpa, and Koolma while he learns about living. He drools sometimes, and his dreams are of big, happy, milky boobs, and saving the world. He thinks life is like a giant boob: the more you suckle, the more it produces. You can find him most days sleeping in the bed he was born on, planning his next fantastical adventure.

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