Maidens Of The Lost Spark – More Reflections On The Path


About 11 months ago, I took a huge plunge to make a change in my life. I left the job I had been working at for about 8 years and intended to split my time between several other things. These included dedicating more time to the bodywork/massage and coaching I had been doing on the side for a number of years as well as blogging, having some healing time (from toxic environmental exposure) and taking this opportunity to “finally” pursue what I really love!!

Sounds awesome right?

I have encountered at least one really big huge challenge/dragon along the way…  I think I have come to the possible realization that I have put nearly all my hobbies, passions and enjoyments (even a lot of my friendships) on the back burner for so long that I can hardly remember what some of them are!!

I know, this sounds really sad huh?  You might even think that it sounds impossible…  Well, after reading Mami’s post last week, I thought about all this even more and decided I really need to say more about it because I REALLY want you to know that it IS entirely possible and it can even happen to you!!  You can get really busy with being a wife, a mom, the mother of a newborn, an infant, a toddler (or two), a mother of several kids, a soccer mom, a dance mom, the mother of the next American Idol, a working mom, a volunteer, or whatever and next thing you know, a lot of what was you got completely brushed to the side. The years start rolling by, you might get busy and focused on what seems most important at the time like getting a degree, moving to a bigger apartment, buying a house, trading in your car for a bigger one, getting a dog, juggling childcare/life/relationship, getting the kids involved in athletics or other activities, and next thing you know, it is 30 years later and you have made a habit of doing your life that way!

Like Mami pointed out in her post (check it out here), this does not at all mean that there was no enjoyment, excitement or reward experienced along the way of doing all those things. It just doesn’t seem like the best, most juicy, most empowering, most delicious way to do your life!!!

So I am backtracking, playing passion detective, remembering things (like what I enjoyed doing before I had kids, before I got married, even back to when I was a kid!), so that I can incorporate more of those back into my life now, if they still sound good, or I revisit them and have a blast doing it. This is also so I can use those interests and passions to guide me into a career or business that I am really jazzed about doing.

What’s really important to me about this (besides the huge impact it can have on my life!!) is that I want to make sure and pass the message on to all my younger sisters (aka all you young mothers and wives) and tell you “This Is Really IMPORTANT!!  Practice self care!!  Go on dates with yourself!!  Doodle!  Dance naked in the living room!  Turn on your favorite tunes and SING – LOUDLY!!  Keep doing things you love!  Follow your heart!!  Listen to your joy!!  Flame your own inner spark and keep it alive so that when the time comes and you have a bigger opportunity to dedicate more time to it, you are not sitting there thinking “now, what was it that I really enjoyed doing?”

In my journey of looking for suggestions that guide me and might be helpful to other women and mothers, I came up with the following list of suggestions:

1- Make a commitment (at least once a week) to have a minimum of an 1 1/2-2 hrs by yourself. You can do anything that speaks to you (except “work” type stuff – this is rejuvenation time, tuning in time, creative time, etc);

2- Get a mother’s helper/friend/relative to help out during the week sometime by watching the baby/kids so you can more efficiently and peacefully get some necessary chores done;

3- Remember to be really good about keeping hydrated by drinking enough water. This is important to everybody’s health, but especially if you are breastfeeding;

4- Eat a healthy nutrient dense diet to help keep you operating at your best, reduce illness and teach your kids by what you model. Fresh fruit and veggies are just as easy to grab as something in the junk food category and much better for you and your family!

5- Take a break or time out. If things are getting pretty intense, find a way to unplug – lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling breathing deeply. Or, do it with your eyes closed, guiding your whole body to relax and let go with each breath. Have your partner watch the baby/kids while you do it, or if you are home alone, make sure they are in a safe environment, even if they are unhappy about it, and go breathe for a few minutes and unplug;

6- Remind yourself that becoming someone’s mommy creates many changes that take a lot of the time and energy you used to be able to dedicate to yourself and that is a big change – not to mention a big job with lots of emotions attached to it. Be patient with yourself, you are learning and will do things that you wish you had dome a little or a lot differently; however, my guess is that you are doing the best you can at the time;

7- Remember that simple grooming habits can be so rejuvenating. Make it a point to take a shower, even if you need to get the baby some toys and put them in a bouncer nearby – play peek-a-boo if you need to. You will feel so much better!

8- Similarly with clothing, leave the sweats and maternity pants behind! If you put on something that makes you feel more attractive, it can be a huge boost in your energy and attitude;

9- Get your hair cut or styled in a new way. If you have a baby or small children, check out styles that are cute but quick and easy to maintain and do;

10- Check in with yourself intermittently asking “What would make me happier right now?”

11- Create a vision board for yourself – be sure to include all the things that get you excited such as getting a degree, starting a business, or getting in better shape;

12- Connect with other women via social media groups to network with other women that share some of your interests or challenges and will be supportive and helpful.

(These suggestions are a compilation of a couple posts I read – check them out here and here – with some modifications from my experience.)

For myself, I am working with a couple of things (a book and an online course) to help guide me further in some organized fashion. As I progress, I will keep you updated about how it is going for me as well as what things seem to be working well and that I can recommended. I hope this helps, inspires and guides you to live a happier, fuller life.


Blessings to you and thank you for all the loving parenting you do; it makes a better world, one Sweetie at a time.

Hug attached,

Koolma  : )


What self-care habits do you use to maintain your joy and spark?   What activities make you the happiest?    Do you have any stories of adding in self-care habits and how your life was impacted?

We’d love to hear from you, so please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section so we can help each other; remember, we are all in this together!


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