It’s Not Holding Or Folding, It’s Making The Hand You Have A Winner: An Experience In Taking A Step Back

Sometimes, there's more than one way to pass a mountain.

Sometimes, there’s more than one way to pass a mountain.

Hello, readers and mamis! It’s been a couple weeks since I have posted anything here. Koolma and I have decided to alternate weeks, so, instead of each of us posting once a week, one of us will post one week and the other will post the following week, and repeat. Even so, it is proving very difficult for me to tear myself away from my schoolwork this semester. But here I am! And I am going to share a little thing that I already was aware of today, but that made me think, and it made me think in terms of being a mami, too.

Today was one of Cisco’s new days off, so I had big plans to accomplish a lot of homework. But I got up late, I left the house late, I was disorganized when I reached my destination and was trying to focus but was attempting to do too many things at the same time. I went to a second destination (my dad’s house) while I waited to hear back from Koolma to go over to her house and print something out for school. And while I was at my dad’s house, I was trying to get an essay started for an art class. And, suddenly, something that should have taken about ten minutes took me TWO HOURS.

I was frustrated. I was angry. I cursed the Internet for being so stupidly full of all the material I didn’t need and none of the material that I did need. I could physically feel my time slipping away – “Another wasted day!” I was telling myself on the inside, and feeling increasingly panicked and insufficient and incapable and overwhelmed and caving under pressure. I literally felt like I was ramming my head repeatedly into a wall and was going absolutely nowhere with anything, and it was infuriating…

…And then, Koolma made a suggestion that didn’t change things completely, but they made some real positive progress:

“What if you just call your teacher and ask her about it?”

I stopped.

I called her.

She gave me excellent news about what I had been agonizing over.

And then I hung up.

And it made me think a bit about being a parent. You see, even though I wasn’t making any progress, I was so bent on doing what I wanted to do that I was determined to make it work, and yet I was extremely aware that what I was doing was accomplishing nothing more than my further frustration. I was aware that I needed to stop and try something else, but I didn’t, until someone else suggested it and I finally caved.

I wish I had caved earlier.

It made me think about many times in my life when I have fought and fought and fought for something. Not that fighting for something is such a bad thing. I’m tough and strong and beautiful and still alive, so fighting has accomplished significant things for me in the past. But something that just won’t work for me, going forward, in relation to myself and in relation to teaching my little Sweetie, is fighting when I can feel that the resistance is just not surmountable from that particular direction or angle. That stepping back when I can tell that there is no possible passage through the mountain, and maybe taking a detour around it, is equally as important as knowing when to keep fighting. That the key lies in knowing when to do one and when to do the other, because, at the end of the day, accomplishment feels a lot better than frustration, even if the accomplishment didn’t play out in the way one might have planned or expected. Sometimes, there is more than one way around a situation.

I am going to keep my eyes open in the future, and when I sense that feeling of needing to climb down, backtrack a little, and take a different path, I am going to do so.

Have you ever had an experience like this? What did you do when you became aware of that feeling? What advice would you give another person, reader, parent, or mami about a similar situation? Please leave a comment in the space below; we would love to hear your thoughts! Thanks for reading!


Encouraging Empowered Mamis Everywhere To Do What They Do


Mami is an artist, aspiring entrepreneur, and first-time, full-time mother. She enjoys long walks with Mr. Sweetie, good food and cooking, her family and dear friends, writing, arting and crafting. She doesn't know everything, but wants to learn, and loves to do research and share what she finds. She thinks life is like a box of puzzle pieces: you keep trying until it fits, because every piece has its place. She owns and operates whatever she sets her mind to, and knows that the sky is only the limit if you haven't left the ground yet.

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