A Tale Of Two Sweeties: Remembering Your Significant Other

CAM00768Babies, babies, babies! A mami hits the ground at a full sprint, every day, with eyes on the finish line (the baby and its needs). It is no surprise, then, that there are days when you mamis out there probably look up, surprised, and realize, “Oh, yeah! There’s that older person I love, too!” I know I do, from time to time, because my entire schedule as a stay-at-home mami revolves around how my little Sweetie is doing, and that means that, on occasion, I forget about my big sweetie, Cisco!

I always make sure to remind him, several times a week, of how much I appreciate him, appreciate how hard he works for us (he has three jobs). Because he works so much, most nights, when he gets home, we go to bed without any conversation between us, as he is very tired, and has another long day in the morning. I don’t dwell on this; while I really miss feeling connected to him on a regular basis, I just remind myself that it isn’t permanent, and I do what I can to fill in the spaces of time we have available to us.

Here are a few ways that I show him I care, in case you, too, find yourself wondering where your other half fits into your new life.

 

  1. We have a date night, 2-4 times a month. Obviously, sometimes we can’t find someone to watch Mr. Sweetie, so our date night gets put off. Our date always happens on the same day of the week, which I would recommend, because it is easier to really be able to enjoy yourself when you go out — there aren’t any worries or thoughts about anything that is undone and waiting at home, because you can modify the rest of your week to tie up loose ends in anticipation. Our dates are an hour and a half, partially because Mr. Sweetie is still so small, and can’t be away from his Mami for too long, and partially because he is exclusively breastfed. I make sure he is full when we leave, but he doesn’t use a bottle, so we turn into pumpkins much past an hour and a half.
  2. I always make sure that his food is made, his laundry is done, and the house is cleaned up. Be prepared, because this can be a thankless endeavor, but it doesn’t have to be. It is completely acceptable (and I highly recommend it) to talk to your significant other about how you would like to be appreciated for keeping the house in order. It isn’t fair to expect them to notice on their own (although, that would be ideal), but you can create a thankful environment by expressing yourself, your feelings, and emphasizing the importance of gratitude. to the one you love. Having a baby is a big change for relationships, and supporting each other is essential, but you can’t get the support you need if there is no communication. When it comes to accomplishing the tasks in this step, they don’t necessarily all happen every day; for example, some days I clean more, so that, other days, I don’t have to! Find what works for your personal situation. Also, to some, this step may sound a bit old-fashioned. To me, it is a built-in way to let the person you love know that you love them, that their well-being is important to you, and that you were thinking of them. NOTE: I am currently a full-time stay-at-home mom, and Cisco works about 70 hours a week, so I am the one with the time at home to keep things running. If you are a working mother, just do the best you can with the time you both have; you can even make a project out of it together! Find some ways to get your significant other involved, too, and give them some opportunities to explore what it means to be the other part of your parental unit, and your home. When they understand all the work that goes into running a household through doing it themselves, they are more likely to look at you with that same love, that is in your mind, when you are caring for them by making the home you share into a comfort.
  3. I never forget the importance of touch! This is such a huge part of being able to connect with someone, so find time to work it in. When the two of us part, I take an extra moment to give Cisco a long hug. I can feel my heart opening as I do so, and all of the love that I feel for him rushing over his body. I give him a nice, meaningful kiss before bed, and when he leaves in the morning for work. If your significant other doesn’t already, make sure they know that these things will not always lead to sex, and that maintaining passion and intimacy in a relationship means taking small steps throughout the day as well, rather than saving it all for those moments when the two of you have adult time. The feelings of being excited when you see the person you love don’t have to fade over time, but they do require that both of you get a little more involved in taking advantage of your chances to show affection. A fulfilling relationship thrives off of dedication, communication, and being able to remember and appreciate the reasons why you fell in love with them in the first place. Touching someone in a loving way is the nonverbal expression of that love, so let it out!
  4. I write him little notes. These don’t have to be elaborate; a simple “I love you” works just fine. My favorite way to do this is by hiding it somewhere in his things (lunch, backpack, wallet) where I know he will find it, but at a point in his day after he has already left. That way, he will see it at a later time, and know that I am still thinking of him.
  5. I write him pieces of poetry. Don’t feel pressured over this. It’s not like it has to be an everyday thing, and, in fact, when it is more of an occasion, it is a beautiful little surprise, and it isn’t expected. I would also like to note: poetry doesn’t have to rhyme. Even just making a little list of things you love about the special person in your life, when done from the heart, can be a poem. It’s not necessary to consider yourself a writer in order to pull something like this off. It is as simple, complicated, long, or short, as you make it. If you have a hard time coming up with material, dedicate a song or favorite quote to them that reminds you of your feelings for them.
  6. I make time to play with him. We both like to joke around with each other, be silly, and have impromptu tickle fights. Because he works so much right now, it isn’t an everyday thing, but I still make sure to do it whenever I have the opportunity. Remembering to play in a lighthearted manner with your significant other is sweet, innocent, and fun, and it reminds you not to take things too seriously, which, in turn, positively affects your relationship.
  7. I pay attention when he tells me stories. I can’t count the number of times he has looked at me, deeply impressed, when I am reminded during a conversation of a piece of his history he has shared with me, and I bring it up. This may seem trivial, but knowing that the one you love listens to you and remembers what you say shows they care, and that you are important to them. And it’s easy and free!

 

These are just some of the things that I do, as often as I can, to keep my relationship beautiful, healthy, and constantly in an upward state of growth. When I got married, I knew I wanted it to last me the rest of my life, and I do everything I can to care for the beautiful love that I have found. If even just one of these suggestions has helped you mamis in your pursuit of the same, I have done what I set out to do, and I wish you a brilliant and long-lasting union!

 

Encouraging Empowered Mamis To Do What They Do Everywhere

 

 

Mami

Mami is an artist, aspiring entrepreneur, and first-time, full-time mother. She enjoys long walks with Mr. Sweetie, good food and cooking, her family and dear friends, writing, arting and crafting. She doesn't know everything, but wants to learn, and loves to do research and share what she finds. She thinks life is like a box of puzzle pieces: you keep trying until it fits, because every piece has its place. She owns and operates whatever she sets her mind to, and knows that the sky is only the limit if you haven't left the ground yet.

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